All Embracing

What you wear is important. You need to look smart and professional, but not too noticeable. I always use a pink lipstick, never red, and subtle make-up with my hair down, well brushed. You must look for a large group, the larger the better. Watch from a distance to see that there is some lack of organisation, and a relaxed approach to the order of events. More formal, organized parties will not work.
I often take a discreet photograph of the group at this early time, to keep in my album and look at on long winter nights. I’ve begun my second album, and the photographs remind me of good practice, and the most memorable occasions.
I visited Heathrow several times, but people are tense there, preoccupied with purchasing duty frees and other distractions. I did try a funeral once but it felt awkward, dressed in black, and rather inappropriate for my intentions. I recommend railway stations, Waterloo, Kings Cross and especially Liverpool Street with the Stansted Express. Here, it’s easy to see when the moment is right, as most of the groups will be going to the airport, and the times are well advertised on the notice boards.
About ten minutes before departure, I make my move, joining as one of the latecomers, when they gather by the ticket barrier. The atmosphere will change as the moment becomes imminent, when shyer members position themselves at the back, and bolder or responsible ones take their places. The first will embrace more meaningfully, generally a leader of the hosts and an official from the visitors. Then others will follow quite quickly, gradually embracing all those around them, becoming more emotional and vulnerable, not wanting to be left out. This is the moment. You must move quickly, mingling in with the host group and smile as you approach the first embrace. Occasionally, you will need to say ‘How wonderful it has been, and how much you will miss them’, but you will hear the others, and it’s best to follow their examples, sometimes using Christian names, to reassure them. Be quick, but enjoy the embrace before you pass on to the next person. I, never kiss, as it is over familiar, and could jeopardize your position. They will be happy to embrace you, accepting that they do not recognize you, but presume you are someone working behind the scenes. They will be as anxious as you, about their farewell and proper etiquette. Their generosity can be touching and moving. After a few embraces it is best to make an excuse and depart as quickly as you came, before they have time to confer about your identity.
It is easy to be seduced by the warmth of the embraces, but discipline is called for, to avoid over indulgence. In some early operations, my timing was wrong and I was pursued; once losing a Gucci shoe at Waterloo. But, I learnt self-control, and the need to withdraw early, knowing I can savour the moment at home, later.
When you hold someone; I think you hold a little bit of them forever. You hold their past and their future, and by the way they embrace you, they reveal their vulnerability and their strength. This makes me feel warm, part of something bigger.
For me, it is only natural to need some physical contact with other humans and this method has no complications. A woman in my position finds it reassuring, while I hope it brings some comfort to them. My London flat is well positioned for the stations, and even though I am getting older, I still set out once a week, to be embraced.


- Dave Pescod